Topical Juice

You can’t use that hateful slur! Only WE can use that word!

Seems like another celebrity is in trouble for offending a group of people by using a word.

I don’t get it. Why is it okay for gay men to call each other the “F-word” (and brother please don’t try to tell me that you don’t - I hear it with my own ears all the time, with my friends), but it’s not okay for Jerry Lewis to use it as a joke? Why is it okay for African-Americans to call each other the “N-word”, but it’s not okay for Caucasians to use it? Why is it okay for women to call each other “Ho” (and some do, just as they call each other the “B-word”) but it’s not okay for men (such as Don Imus) to use that word?

Where is the firestorm of outrage when a gay man uses the F-word, or a rapper uses the N-word or refers to a woman as a “Ho” or “B**ch” in one of his raps?

I’m not defending the use of the words themselves - I find them offensive too - but I’m appalled by the hypocrisy. I don’t buy the argument that it’s about the “intent”. That somehow it’s okay if the words are used with affection or in jest amongst peers versus using them to insult or offend others. That somehow it’s okay if you’re a rapper trying to keep it real on your record. I disagree with the philosophy that “if we take the word back and use it ourselves we take away it’s power”. “Owning” the slur doesn’t make it less of a nasty word. A slur is a slur. It just teaches some people that it’s okay to use it while confusing the rest of us. It causes misunderstanding and hurt feelings when someone who isn’t supposed to use it, and doesn’t know they aren’t supposed to use it, does. It causes some of us to have to struggle with explaining to our children why there is so much hypocrisy over this subject.

Don’t try to tell me you’ve suffered some “damage” by others’ use of words that you and your friends also use. If you don’t like certain words, and don’t want others using them to describe you, then stop using them yourself. If your friends use the words, don’t laugh them off. Only then can you righteously justify slapping down someone else who does. Others may not stop using them, but at least you’ll no longer be a hypocrite.

If you read my last post, you’ll know that I do, on occasion, donate money to a few causes I care about. But that means my name gets sold onto some “sucker list” (and I know that sounds harsh, but that’s what it used to be called according to a friend of mine who worked for a fund-raising organization a few years back). Which means that I get a constant influx of snail mail from a wide variety of organizations, many of them representing very worthy causes, all asking for help.

I don’t mind them asking, as over the years I’ve learned how to separate the emotional pull of their plea from the reality of what I can feasibly give (and still be able to pay my bills). Some of them do win me over and get added to my slowly growing list of causes I support.

But what bothers me are the ones that send me some gift, most often return address labels, occasionally greeting cards, pocket calendars, or some other equally useless (in this digital age) item. All I can think when I see them is, what a tremendous waste! I do all of my banking and bill paying online, and use auto-draft for most of my monthly expenses, and mail out maybe only 1 check every other month, and thanks to my insurance agent I already have enough return address labels to last me the rest of my life. If I never move again that is. And pocket calendars? That’s what I have my computer and PDA/cell phone for.

If I could, or would, actually use what they send me, then perhaps I’d feel guilty enough using them to send off a few dollars for them (which is what they are hoping we’ll do of course). But for me they’re useless and all it does is make me angry that the company doing the fund-raising is wasting the organization’s dollars on this “last-century” tactic - dollars that could be put to better use!

For me, a nice simple, heartfelt letter and maybe a few photos is a much more successful tactic than the “we’re sending you a free gift with the hope that you’ll send us money for it” tactic. I’m curious to know what everyone else thinks about these types of solicitations.

I haven’t yet had a chance to poll my usual posse on this one, but I will, and I’ll post the results soon. Unless of course everyone else disagrees with me, in which case I’ll post a mea culpa…..in the meantime, let me know what you think - vote and comment!

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